CHOOSE ME
Choose me
Choose love
I don’t know how many you have
How many are as good as
Who I try to be
When I’m with you
You sexy motherfucker
She introduced us to each other
She knew what a lovely boy you are
You were
She shared you the way I share
I share my husband with her
And now
Instead of sleeping
Another hour
I’m thinking
Preparing
Sad Damien Rice on the speaker
Intentionally on repeat
It’s easier to think
That you will choose all of them
Than to think
That when you realise you can’t have us all
That I’m not the one to keep
Fucking poly life
Scarcity mindset
Abundance mindset
But the day has
24 hours
And you are one
And four meetings with AA
And work five days a week
And your peaceful life
Gratitude texts for your sponsor
Was I ever in them?
I know you said your table was crowded
And you didn’t want to have favourites
But for the time we were in your room
I wanted to be your little best
Favourite of them all
Fuck blow jobs sitting on my face
me sitting on yours
I want the hugs after to never stop
You said you’d rather if I didn’t stay
That you sleep lightly
Yet
Yet who fell asleep
Once with me in your arms
Second with you on me
As I gave you the face massage
Which you loved
Which felt like
Was the thing I’ve been learning towards
All that time
Light sleeper, huh?
Plus I’ll get a fine?
Just say you don’t want me
I cuddled you to sleep
Blew off your candles
Played with baby cat
And went
In the rain
In the dark
You spread all over
My face, my neck, my chest
And I
Proudly
Carried you home
You were supposed to be
A nice diversion
A safe partner for coffee and sex
Cuz cigarettes needed to be quit
My favourite thing in life
For two new ones coming home soon
And now
I’m sitting here
In the darkness of late April
Writing this
Worried
Will you ever choose me?
How many is too many?
How many is enough?
Your poly table
Is full
But will you
Will you find a spare chair?
For me
The one who cradled you
To sleep like a baby
And you even said
“You’ve got no idea when is
When is the last time I felt
I felt this calm”
I’m melting Maria
I’m melting, wow
I told you
Post sex
How I’m still so nervous
How even when
Watching silly telly
Eating Franco pizza
We embody
Relationship goals
I’m still nervous
We agreed
Not to people please
I am trying
To just stay me
But something inside
Deep inside me
Tells me to be scared
Because feeling safe
I’m not good at
I try
I tried
And trusted
Believed
All the kindness
Love
Belonging
Hand holding
Beautiful texts
I tried
To heal
And healed
And then
Once again
Another one
Was back
First
Love bombing
Then fuck knows
And I’ve learnt
Nobody will love you
Trust no one
How many times is too many?
How many times is enough?
To finally believe
All of those promises
Professional narcissists
Playing you like
Damien Rice his guitar
So I’m gonna
Try to sleep now
Nothing is resolved
There is fear and there is love
I want you
Yes I know I have other partners
And primary one my husband
Who’s done the laundry
Which is still on the bed
Where I’m hiding
From love and fear and affection
Because I don’t want yet
To face whom I will become
When you realise
How many is too many
How many is enough